You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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