Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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