you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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