Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
BRING THE BAGELS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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