I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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