Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
