i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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