Got a toothbrush?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
