so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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