is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
