so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
