John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
