i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she looked like the before picture.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
