Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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