We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
