dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
