you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
