She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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