u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
