Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
