I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize