Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
