I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
