Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
