If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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