So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
