as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
