I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
