I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
