I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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