Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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