To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
