maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
