He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
