I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
