I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
