No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
