Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
