I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this will be a night to untag.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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