i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
