i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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