Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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