when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
