I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
