I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
