I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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