I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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