Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
