I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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