I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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