Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
