Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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