just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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