im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
