I think my vagina is haunted
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
