this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
