I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize