i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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