Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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