I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
