Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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