K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
