I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
