3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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