got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
