I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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