i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
