there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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