I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
