how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
