i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I looked at my own cervix.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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