She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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