if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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